{"id":2526,"date":"2019-12-05T09:01:12","date_gmt":"2019-12-05T09:01:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.imperial.ac.uk\/imperial-medicine\/?p=2526"},"modified":"2019-12-05T12:57:21","modified_gmt":"2019-12-05T12:57:21","slug":"my-mental-health-and-academia-an-open-letter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.imperial.ac.uk\/imperial-medicine\/2019\/12\/05\/my-mental-health-and-academia-an-open-letter\/","title":{"rendered":"My mental health and academia: an open letter"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"mental<\/span><\/p>\n

As part of UK Disability History Month, Dr Catherine Kibirige reflects on her mental health journey and how she’s using her experiences to help others.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

My name is Dr Catherine\u00a0Kibirige\u00a0and I\u2019m a Research Associate at Imperial, based at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I have a mental health disability. It\u2019s been a difficult journey accepting this, and this is the first time I\u2019ve publicly disclosed it. For a long time, I didn\u2019t want to believe that I had a \u201cmental illness\u201d, or that I was disabled. The funny thing is, once I accepted these things, it\u2019s allowed me to do better and to feel more capable than I have done before. <\/span>Here in the UK, we’re currently celebrating\u00a0<\/span>Disability History Month<\/span><\/a>. In celebration of this, I wanted to share my story and how the College has helped and supported me.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Difficult beginnings<\/h2>\n

For a long time, I\u2019ve struggled with stress and anxiety. I often struggle specifically with things coming to an end: primary school, secondary school, the end of my first degree<\/span>\u00a0\u2013<\/span>\u00a0these all ended in major crises. When I finished my PhD, I couldn\u2019t cope with the thought of continuing in academia, but I ended up falling into a postdoc position\u00a0<\/span>with a\u00a0<\/span>US\u00a0<\/span>government agency. Despite being unwell\u00a0<\/span>throughout<\/span>\u00a0the position and trying different treatment options, I actually produced some good work.\u00a0 This position<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>ended abruptly<\/span>\u00a0and unexpectedly<\/span>\u00a0due to a funding cut and the only way I could maintain my legal status to remain in the US at short notice was to go back into academia. I had a research idea, quickly wrote up a proposal and got some initial funding to return to my PhD laboratory.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This was\u00a0<\/span>an extremely<\/span>\u00a0difficult period<\/span>\u00a0as I was still exploring treatment options and was on a new medication<\/span>. The lab was facing funding difficulties, which meant I was effectively doing four people\u2019s jobs, and this meant that I quickly fell into another crisis. I gained a significant amount of weight, ended up on a lot of medication and struggled to find\u00a0<\/span>a\u00a0<\/span>new\u00a0<\/span>doctor<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>and therapist who understood my needs. I was also not receiving any support from my colleagues<\/span>. M<\/span>y supervisor<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>who had<\/span>\u00a0witnessed my struggles for many\u00a0<\/span>years, finally<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>decided that it wasn\u2019t<\/span>\u00a0really<\/span>\u00a0his responsibility to hel<\/span>p \u2013\u00a0<\/span>at least it seemed<\/span>\u00a0that way<\/span>\u00a0to me<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span>Things became very uncomfortable for everyone in the laboratory as my health\u00a0<\/span>deteriorated<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span>In the end, I didn\u2019t get<\/span>\u00a0a<\/span>\u00a0Green Card to stay in the US, which<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>turned out to be a<\/span>\u00a0huge relief to\u00a0<\/span>us all<\/span>. I decided it would be better to return to the UK and take a step back from science.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When I returned home, I decided that I need<\/span>ed<\/span>\u00a0to rethink everything and find a\u00a0<\/span>more accommodating\u00a0<\/span>career. I worked in various short-term jobs \u2013 a\u00a0daycare\u00a0centre, a warehouse, McDonald<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s \u2013 just to give myself some time to recover. I also trained as a fitness instructor, because I wanted to do something related to wellness.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0Eventually, I joined an agency and got a\u00a0<\/span>six<\/span>-month<\/span>\u00a0position as a laboratory technician. It was a\u00a0<\/span>simple<\/span>\u00a0position<\/span>\u00a0extracting RNA from batches of samples.\u00a0 I plough<\/span>ed<\/span>\u00a0through the samples\u00a0<\/span>quickly and easily<\/span>.\u00a0 It<\/span>\u00a0allowed me to work on a very flexible basis<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>and continue<\/span>\u00a0my fitness and wellness training\u00a0<\/span>on the side.\u00a0<\/span>I reali<\/span>s<\/span>ed\u00a0<\/span>how much I missed and enjoyed being at the laboratory<\/span>\u00a0bench<\/span>\u00a0and found out that flexible hours worked very well for me.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Returning to academia<\/h2>\n

Before I left the US, I had submitted an abstract and\u00a0<\/span>was<\/span>\u00a0invited to speak at a conference, which I decided to go to. While I was there, I reconnected with a former colleague who encouraged me to\u00a0<\/span>present my work to her colleagues at<\/span>\u00a0Imperial.<\/span>\u00a0I was invited to present my work<\/span>\u00a0here in London<\/span>\u00a0and was\u00a0<\/span>subsequently\u00a0<\/span>offered a temporary position, which I took up when I finished the agency job. I was then encouraged to apply for a post-doctoral position within the same<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>group<\/span>\u00a0here at the hospital<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u00a0<\/span>felt very<\/span>\u00a0torn because in many ways the position was my dream job, and I could see how all of my previous experience had led me to this point. However, on the other hand, I wondered if I was ready to\u00a0<\/span>handle<\/span>\u00a0it<\/span>\u00a0and if I would tip back into poor health<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u00a0<\/span>decid<\/span>ed<\/span>\u00a0to go for it<\/span>\u00a0and immediately started\u00a0<\/span>encounter<\/span>ing<\/span>\u00a0quite a few bumps in the road. Even\u00a0<\/span>during<\/span>\u00a0the job interview, I\u00a0<\/span>felt extremely dizzy and overwhelmed<\/span>\u00a0because there was so much stress\u00a0<\/span>running up to it<\/span>. Shortly after I started, I ended up being referred to Occupational Health<\/a> because it bec<\/span>a<\/span>me apparent that something might be wrong.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0At the same time, I started\u00a0<\/span>with a new<\/span>\u00a0GP, who \u2013 for the first time \u2013 gave me a\u00a0<\/span>detailed and specific<\/span>\u00a0diagnosis, which I was coming to terms with. I started reading about the various policies and\u00a0<\/span>resources that<\/span>\u00a0w<\/span>ere<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>available<\/span>\u00a0at Imperial and realised that the College could offer me a lot of support.\u00a0<\/span>After talking things through with Occupational Health<\/span>, I switched to flexible hours and was referred to Confidential Care<\/a> and some mindfulness groups<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Turning point<\/h2>\n

The biggest thing that has helped me has been\u00a0<\/span>working<\/span><\/a>\u00a0flexible hours. I find mornings very difficult, which is why I was doing various odd jobs because I knew getting back into a 9-5 routine would just be too difficult. I realised that working in an academic environment could\u00a0<\/span>actually\u00a0<\/span>afford me\u00a0<\/span>the<\/span>\u00a0flexibility<\/span>\u00a0I need<\/span>,<\/span>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/span>having that officially recognised has been\u00a0<\/span>very<\/span>\u00a0beneficial.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My work schedule has also been adjusted so that my meetings take place in the afternoon, as I find mornings very difficult. Some people in my team have found this a bit difficult to get on board with<\/span>, but my line manager and director have been incredibly supportive in enforcing it. As a result of these conversation<\/span>s<\/span>, we now also have a trained Mental Health First Aide<\/a>r in our team.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The support that I\u2019ve received has been so good for me. I\u2019m now able to conduct research and enjoy what I\u2019m doing; being able to function at work has helped me to build my confidence and get better<\/span>\u00a0and better<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Becoming an advocate<\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve realised that I do need to educate people to a certain extent when it comes to mental health. I\u2019ve had to have some uncomfortable conversations with my colleagues. However, I\u2019ve also found that, by being more open about my issues, people have felt comfortable to come to me and share that they or someone they\u2019re close to is struggling with a mental health problem. I\u2019ve accepted now that I need to be an advocate, and I\u2019m now in a position where I\u2019m pointing people towards help and resources.<\/span>\u00a0I spoke to a friend recently and told her about my experience with Occupational Health, and it inspired her to talk to her workplace\u2019s team and to get what she needed.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I think the more that we can talk and be open about mental health, the more it will prevent people being uncomfortable or awkward in their approach to it. I think it\u2019s also very clear to my colleagues that because of the adjustments and help I\u2019ve received, I\u2019m working much better and contributing, which reinforces the fact that interventions don\u2019t just help me as an individual \u2013 they help the team and the organisation as a whole, too.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For anyone else who is going through something similar to what I\u2019ve experienced: my advice is not to be fearful, and to proactively take the support that you need. Don\u2019t be afraid of insisting on the things that work best for you. For me, that was finding a doctor who was supportive of taking a more holistic approach to my care, not just finding a medication that was right for me.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember that there are policies and laws in place to support you. If you act as your own advocate, it will pay off in the end. You need to find what works for you and make space for it. In doing that, you\u2019ll probably find that you help a lot more people than just yourself.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dr Catherine\u00a0<\/span>Kibirige<\/span> is a Research Associate at Imperial’s Department of Infectious Disease, based at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As part of UK Disability History Month, Dr Catherine Kibirige reflects on her mental health journey and how she’s using her experiences to help others. My name is Dr Catherine\u00a0Kibirige\u00a0and I\u2019m a Research Associate at Imperial, based at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.\u00a0\u00a0 I have a mental health disability. It\u2019s been a difficult journey accepting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1418,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[296217],"tags":[239691,81449],"class_list":["post-2526","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-department-of-infectious-disease","tag-academic-life","tag-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"\nMy mental health and academia: an open letter - Imperial Medicine Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As part of UK Disability History Month, Dr Catherine Kibirige, reflects on her mental health journey and how she's using her experiences to help others.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.imperial.ac.uk\/imperial-medicine\/2019\/12\/05\/my-mental-health-and-academia-an-open-letter\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My mental health and academia: an open letter - 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