There is nothing wrong about giving yourself a break. Lately, I’ve been thinking that we shouldn’t get angry with ourselves after realising we’ve spent time without apparently getting profit out of it.
Five minutes ago, I was forcing myself to “one last mechanics past paper before dinner”, while I was having a crazy headache.
After attempting the first question and failing greatly I told myself that this didn’t make any sense. It was evident that I could not concentrate anymore and that I should stop studying.
I now lay down in bed and stare at the window. It is 8 pm and it is still bright. I feel a second of peace between the storm, the storm of the exam period.
Without even realising, I find myself thinking about everything that has made me be in this room today. I reach the conclusion that I have not appreciated enough all the work I’ve put into allowing this to be my reality.
I am hard with myself, demanding. But still, not as proud as I should be. And I believe I’m not the only student here at Imperial feeling the same, but as I cannot have the certainty of this feeling being shared by others, I will just talk about me.
I am aware that this can be a blog post that may not be of general interest, but I believe it can help someone with the same struggles as me. After all, this space on the internet is a corner for me to express myself, however, I want to. And although exposing oneself personally out there it’s scary, I think it’s worth it if it can help at least one person.
Being someone with a rather low self-esteem, studying at a top university like this is not the easiest. Being at Imperial can be difficult, but it can also be a therapy of shock for improvement.
In the 8 months I’ve been here I’ve been taught so many lessons, both academic and about life.
Academically, I’ve realised that learning is not a matter of getting a 100% in an exam, but a matter of fighting for understanding. I’ve come up with the conclusion that getting a degree in Aeronautical engineering will not imply that I can build a plane by myself, but that I will have the capability and resources to make it happen somehow.
Something else I’ve learnt during my time here is to value help, both giving and receiving. It has been a great discovery, to know how to ask for help when needed, and not only in the academics.
Lastly, I’ve understood the value of real friends, those who stay there regardless of the distance, or those who become an essential piece in your life in less than a year.
In conclusion, the message I want to bring across is that it is worth. The decisions taken are worth, regardless of the output. If they go to plan, great. If not, you will still get a life lesson. In my case, I have chosen to study here, at a place filled with some of the brightest minds out there. I know it’s going to be a tough 4-year-journey. But I do not regret sending my application back in January of last year.
If in doubt, go ahead. After all, you will only lament those decisions not taken because of fear.
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