When I was on my first year, I remember every single second year people said, second year is gonna be tough. Two weeks in, and I feel great, I feel better than ever.
You know why I feel great. I spent my first year, trying to figure out the person that I wanted to be, doubts and all. In the process, I jeopardize my academic record, and I had to push so hard a week leading to exam week, that I felt like my body are disintegrating. I slept in one of the exam room, during the exam. The worst thing that could happen on exam week happened to me.
Coming to Imperial was honestly surreal for me, it felt like a dream, and when I woke up it was exam time, and I had to fought tooth and nail to survive. Until I was actually in London, there was always a possibility at the back of my mind to back out. I wanted the easy path, the “I know I can ace every
single class”, which was why Imperial was sort of my second choice. Yes, you heard me, it was my second choice, despite the fact that tons of people are dying to get in.
I know from the beginning, that Imperial would be hard, so I lost hope since the beginning.
You know how they said studying with a friend makes you less stress, yeah well, at this point its not anymore. I mean he made me laugh, he stalked someone (on my behalf-ish), he made fun of the way I’m typing up this very blog, he warned me when there was a secret sales, went to get coffee with me, He made me have fewer mental breakdowns. But being seriously tense and unease, having five mini mental breakdowns a day, all I want is to be left alone.
22 May 2019
Constantly in denial that I was sleep deprived, sleeping an average of 3 hours a day and surviving on ten cups of coffee a day. The perfectionism, the need for constantly being right and accurate at the same time, led me to this day. The lack of sleep simply put me somewhere between constantly making small mistakes that frustrates me and the paranoia that the one thing that I didn’t perfectly understood was the one thing that would fail me.
Structural Mechanics, a subject that in my opinion requires focus on details, something I admitted lack in this circumstances.
The first day I came to Imperial as a student I vividly remember being told not to spend 24 hours in the library, and yet I spent 36 hours in the library.
20 May 2019
Seconds after finishing my maths exam, I rushed myself to the third floor computer room in Skempton. After feeling like I just failed Maths, I can only fail one other subject, and I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t Computational Methods (the exam I had 2 days after Maths).
Somewhere between overdosing on caffeine and bankrupting over deliveroos, I was at the computer, frustrated and enraged that the codes didn’t made sense to me.
Last Easter, I was spending my holiday catching up with old friends, good food and a little shopping here and there. Now, I’m travelling to Japan, doing revision in Starbucks whenever I can.
I admit travelling to Japan just before exams is risky business, but I’m convinced that spending Easter with family is far more important that getting a first class honor as a first year. Filled with anxiety and my head being in the wrong place at the wrong time, I I walked through Ginza. The street filled with all the best thing money can offer, I walked through Cartier and Harry Winston with absolutely no expression.
I thought having gone to a boarding school would make my moving to Imperial easier. It didn’t. This is my life as an International student.
In front of the departure gate, I forced my parents to stay for half an hour to say goodbye. Like any other, this goodbye wasn’t easy. It never was, but turning 17 last year, I thought it would make saying goodbye much easier, it didn’t. I sat on an airport munching on a homemade food one last time before I go and don’t know when I’ll see them again. Was it hard, truly it was. But a week passed by, and another week was fresher’s week.
I wrote on my previous blog that this day was the day I fell absolutely in love with Imperial. It was the day I remembered when I was completely unmotivated to revise for my A level. The day I looked back when I was excruciatingly and patiently waiting for my A-level results.
The day started with getting a coffee, I mean obviously, duh. I went to the Skempton building, slightly nervous, but I convinced myself that if it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. I was directed to a room, where the magic happens. (By magic I mean the interview, if you don’t know it already).
Easter break is normally one of the best holiday for me. After horrible winter weather and what feels like the longest term ever, I look forward to Easter. Not this time, and not at Imperial.
Easter break means its getting much closer to exam. You heard it right, exam. And that might or might not be stress you sense. Being a first year, people kept telling me that what I do as a first year won’t matter. That I can do whatever I want, get drunk, skip lectures. But what I do matters, I realise it now as it is nearly the execution time.
Like a lot of imperial applicants, I applied around October, with a cheesy personal statement. Yes, cheesy, I still look back at it now and couldn’t resist a giggle here and there. But hey, it got me here. I remembered, when I was writing it I thought, how would anyone expect a 16 y.o. to know what they want to do for the rest of their life. In that moment, I stopped and wrote not what I thought would get me in, but I wrote what makes me who I am today.
After I applied, to the 5 university choices, I waited.